July 21, 2017

I'm up st 5 AM. I tossed and turned all night king. Up every hour. Finnally gave up the ghost at 5. Depression i deep. Tears come for no reason at all. Having trouble typing. Have to keep erasing what I write. Scalp is tingling a sure sign of a...

July 20, 2017

Another bad day. Depression is deep and powerful. I can't overcome it. I need to get moving yet it is so hard to do so. I have to get a shower before my shrink's appointment. Then I have to decide what I am going to tell him. How I'm going to tell...

July 19, 2017

The depression was very bad last night. Very, very bad. Along with it came the tears of course. I had to fight to keep them in lest my wife see them and know how bad it was. Truth to tell she probably knew anyway just by loooking at me. It is not all...

July 18, 2017

We are back in New Jersey for a couple of weeks. I have doctor's appointments and we have a Jona Jett/Boston concert on the 27th. NC was OK. Had some issues with the clothes washer and drier while we were there. I fixed the washer. The drier is a...

July 8, 2017

It is a great day. I may be running a bit hypomanic. I am feeing too good. Yep. Always look a gift horse in the mouth. I was up part of the night with a massive headache. My wife took care of me and massaged my head. The only way I could get back to...

July 7, 2017

It is not too bad a day. I am a bit wound up though. Depression is not too bad. I am tapping and pacing and just about freaking out but it is not that bad. My wife is home to go to the doctor's with me. She will head back on Sunday. She is concerned...

July 6, 2017

I can't do this. How can I do this? How can I possibly be disabled? How can I go on disability? How do I get disability? How do I file? How do I prove it?  What's the difference between work's disability which is only temporary and permanent...

May 21, 2017

I am such a sad sack loser. I can no longer tell if the tears are from the depression or the fact that my wife's extended stay in North Carolina begins this week. We head down there today after work. We will drive down together. When I have to return...

May 20, 2017

It is not a very good day. Depression is kicking my ass, making it difficult to move or to function. The beast is back in all his vociferousness. I did not sleep so well last night. I am tired and miserable and fed up with dayworks already. Man was...

May 19, 2017

Dayworks suck. All of the bosses are in and I need to find someway to keep myself busy out on the units. I can't sit in the office and monitor the units as I do on nightworks. I have to rely on the control operators to monitor them for me and, not...

May 18, 2017

Not a very good day but I guess it could have been worse. Depression has been a bear. Panic attacks have been right on the edge. Had a nasty headache when I got up. I didn't sleep too badly though so I guess there's a good side to everything. Kind of...

May 16, 2017

It is a tears day although I do not know why. I am way down again today. Depression is kicking my ass. But I have had no panic attacks or headaches at least. I slept like the dead last night. Not surpsising since I did not sleep a wink the night...

May 5, 2017 - The proposal

She sang: "Baby baby don't get hooked on me..." Too late. I already am. Hooked I mean. Seriously hooked. It is not such a bad day as these days go. Oh I have depression but it is relatively light. The beast is but a faint whisper inside my head. No...

April 24, 2017

Today is not such a good day. I miss my wife. Depression is deep. The beast is loud and obnoxious. I woke with a headache after a piss poor night if sleep. I was up half the night with bad dreams. Horrible dreams. The headache was a bad one. Very bad....

April 23, 2017

It looks to be a long day. I am tired from several nights of poor, broken sleep. It seems like it will be a quiet day in the yard. Several minor issues have come up so far but nothing too serious. It should be an easy if long and quiet day.   My...

April 22, 2017

It is a relatively good day. Depression is light but definitely there. The beast is quiet and I've had no panic attacks. I did have a headache when I got up, a monstrous one most likely due to the piss poor sleep I got last night. More dreams. Bad...

April 21, 2017

It is not such a bad day so far. Depression is there but manageable. The beast is a faint whisper in my head. No panic attacks so far and no headache when I got up. I did sleep like shit last night. I had trouble falling asleep because my mind just...

April 20, 2017

I am up early this morning which is a good and bad thing. Good because I have to get up very early tomorrow morning for work and so I need to go to bed early tonight. Bad because it gives me more time to miss my wife. So far it does not seem like a...

April 19, 2017

It is not too bad a day. Depression is still with me but it is lighter than yesterday. The beast is quiet than the good Lord. No panic attacks either today or last night. I did not sleep well and woke with a massive headache that is not mostly gone. I...

April 18, 2017

It is not a good day. I woke with a blindingly killer headache. I slept like shit due to it. Depression if back in force. Along with it comes the beast. Had a panic attack in work last night. A full fledged one. I had to go someplace ti hide until it...

April 17, 2017

It is an OK day. Depression is licking at me. The beast is back. Tears press on me. But it is not too bad. Not nearly as bad as it has been. There have been no panic attacks nor headaches. I am lucky in that regard. I am just down that is all. It is...