May 21, 2017

I am such a sad sack loser. I can no longer tell if the tears are from the depression or the fact that my wife's extended stay in North Carolina begins this week. We head down there today after work. We will drive down together. When I have to return...

May 20, 2017

It is not a very good day. Depression is kicking my ass, making it difficult to move or to function. The beast is back in all his vociferousness. I did not sleep so well last night. I am tired and miserable and fed up with dayworks already. Man was...

May 19, 2017

Dayworks suck. All of the bosses are in and I need to find someway to keep myself busy out on the units. I can't sit in the office and monitor the units as I do on nightworks. I have to rely on the control operators to monitor them for me and, not...

May 18, 2017

Not a very good day but I guess it could have been worse. Depression has been a bear. Panic attacks have been right on the edge. Had a nasty headache when I got up. I didn't sleep too badly though so I guess there's a good side to everything. Kind of...

May 16, 2017

It is a tears day although I do not know why. I am way down again today. Depression is kicking my ass. But I have had no panic attacks or headaches at least. I slept like the dead last night. Not surpsising since I did not sleep a wink the night...

May 5, 2017 - The proposal

She sang: "Baby baby don't get hooked on me..." Too late. I already am. Hooked I mean. Seriously hooked. It is not such a bad day as these days go. Oh I have depression but it is relatively light. The beast is but a faint whisper inside my head. No...

April 24, 2017

Today is not such a good day. I miss my wife. Depression is deep. The beast is loud and obnoxious. I woke with a headache after a piss poor night if sleep. I was up half the night with bad dreams. Horrible dreams. The headache was a bad one. Very bad....

April 23, 2017

It looks to be a long day. I am tired from several nights of poor, broken sleep. It seems like it will be a quiet day in the yard. Several minor issues have come up so far but nothing too serious. It should be an easy if long and quiet day.   My...

April 22, 2017

It is a relatively good day. Depression is light but definitely there. The beast is quiet and I've had no panic attacks. I did have a headache when I got up, a monstrous one most likely due to the piss poor sleep I got last night. More dreams. Bad...

April 21, 2017

It is not such a bad day so far. Depression is there but manageable. The beast is a faint whisper in my head. No panic attacks so far and no headache when I got up. I did sleep like shit last night. I had trouble falling asleep because my mind just...

April 20, 2017

I am up early this morning which is a good and bad thing. Good because I have to get up very early tomorrow morning for work and so I need to go to bed early tonight. Bad because it gives me more time to miss my wife. So far it does not seem like a...

April 19, 2017

It is not too bad a day. Depression is still with me but it is lighter than yesterday. The beast is quiet than the good Lord. No panic attacks either today or last night. I did not sleep well and woke with a massive headache that is not mostly gone. I...

April 18, 2017

It is not a good day. I woke with a blindingly killer headache. I slept like shit due to it. Depression if back in force. Along with it comes the beast. Had a panic attack in work last night. A full fledged one. I had to go someplace ti hide until it...

April 17, 2017

It is an OK day. Depression is licking at me. The beast is back. Tears press on me. But it is not too bad. Not nearly as bad as it has been. There have been no panic attacks nor headaches. I am lucky in that regard. I am just down that is all. It is...

April 16, 2017

It is another good day all things considered. I did wake with a headache, a rather severe one, but it is gone now. It left behind some nausea and a dim feeling of pain in my head but it is nothing compared to the dizziness and gray world it engendered...

April 15, 2017

It is a good day. No depression to speak of. No beast. No panic attacks and only a minor headache when I got up. I slept fairly well, only waking a few times with little difficulty getting back to sleep. No dreams last night thank the good Lord. Those...

April 13, 2017

It is not such a bad day. Depression is light but definitely there. The beast is quiet for a change. I've had no panic attacks or headaches although I did have a near panic attack yesterday in work. That was because it was a highly stressful day with...

April 12, 2017

It is not such a good day. Depression is back like a bad dream. The beast is whispering his little inanities again. I am borderline on a panic attack. But I have had no headache.   I did not sleep well last night at all. Bad dreams had me up...

April 11, 2016

It is another good day. No depression to speak of. No beast. No panic attacks. No headache. I slept well. It is already warm out. A beautiful day it is supposed to be. High of 84 degF with lots of sunshine. Not a cloud in the sky and only a very...

April 10, 2017

It is a good day relatively speaking. I have no depression. The beast is silent. No panic attacks. No headache and I slept well. But my wife is serverely depressed. She befriended and long lost boyfriend (from before we met) and started texting him...

April 9, 2017

It is another good day. Not great but good. No depression to speak of. No panic ayyacks. No beast. But I did wake up with a headache. One bad enough to make me feel sick to my stomach. I stumbled out to the kitchen to put coffee on only to find my...

April 8, 2017

It is another good day all things being relative. No depression to speak of. No panic attacks. But I did wake up with a severe headche. Severe but not debilitating. I did not sleep all that well either, waking up multiple times and having difficulty...