Sept 10, 2017

Wow! She's talking to me today. Civilly. Calmly. What did I do right today? Even when I got her tea I did nothing wrong. I'm not sure I'm used to this anymore. I've been walking on eggshells for so long it seems like the normal behavior. We're even...

Sept 9, 2017

It is not such a good day. Depression is deep and the beast is loud and obnoxious. The new pills from the shrink don't seem to be helping but I may need to build up a blood level of them. I woke up this morning around 4 AM with a killer headache. I...

Sept 7, 2017

Today I have an appointment with the shrink. I will have to tell him about the dissiciative spells and the two times I was seeing the shadow peope. Normally Iwould hide those incidents but if I'm hoping for disability then I need to tell the truth and...

Sept 5, 2017

It is not a good day at all. It started out with a monstrous headache. I ran out of Advils yesterday so I had nothing to take before I went to bed which is why I had the headache. I took a handful of Excedrin Migraines and combined with coffee they...

Horrors from the past

I've been going through the posts in my original life on Thoughts and printing them out at my wife's request. I am not skipping a single one, again per her request. I think the blog is too big to use the save blog feature since It errored out twice...

Sept 4, 2017

It is not such a good day. Not totally bad but still not good. The depression is deep and the beast is loud and obnoxious. I've already had to take a valium for a near panic attack. My mom called and asked if we were coming over there for the barbecue...

Sept 2, 2017

I got a buzz on last night. My wife bought some wine and a fire pit. We had a fire and sat around it and drank the wine. First alcohol I've had in over two years. It really wasn't worht it but at least it allowed me to socialize. Mary had her...

Sept 1, 2017

It is not such a bad day. The neurological spell from yesterday is over. The depression is all but gone. No panic attacks although I did have one last night. No headaches. I slept well without waking once. All together a good day. Actually I think I...

August 30, 2017

It is not a bad day. It started out with a headache of course but some advil and caffeine combined took care of it for the most part. It's kind of in there but it's rather mild compared to the killer headaches I've been getting every single day for...

August 29, 2017

Good morning world. It IS a good morning for me. The headache is slight. The depression is mild. The beast is quiet. No panic attacks. No chest pain. My stomach is still in knots though. But all together I am in pretty good shape. My wife has left NC...

August 25, 2017

It is another bad day. Woke up with a headache again although I did sleep until 8 AM. My sleep was broken by bad dreams. I finally gave up and got out of bed. I miss my wife. Depression is still very bad but it's getting lighter so it must be going...

August 24, 2017

It is another headache day. Woke up at 1:30 AM with a killer headache. As has become common Tylenol nor coffee help it go away. I can't tell if the headache is from the depression or vice versa. All I know is the headache is very bad and so is the...

August 23, 2017

I woke with another monstrous headache, 3rd one in two days. Tylenol don't even help anymore. Neither does caffeine. The only thing that helps is ibuprofen or excedrin migraine. Unfortunately we are out of both. My head is killing me. Depression is...

August 21, 2017

It is a bad day. Very bad. Terrible. The depression is so deep and strong. I have a monster headache that won't quit. I woke up at 4 AM with it and could not get back to sleep. Tried tylenol, ibuprofen and coffee. Nothing seems to work. I need my...

August 21, 2017

We're back from NC. Overall we had a good time. Really didn't do much besides relax. I did have a couple of really bad days but as ever they passed. On Friday we took the kids to Sliding Rock to swim. It is called Sliding Rock because there is a huge...

August 11, 2017

I am a nervous wreck today. Not sure why. I have no reason to be. Perhaps it is time for a valium. Well we have finally moved all of our clothes in. Next we have to rent a truck to get the bedroom set and my computer desk. My desk is a huge affair....

August 10, 2017

Depression is a little better today but it is still very bad. My wife really has to push me to get me moving and even then it takes a supreme effort of will. I have not had depression as bad as the past 3 days in a long while. I had a near panic...

August 9, 2017

I had a couple of really good days. Unfortunately the past 2 days have been equally bad. The depression has all but immobilized me. It has been worse than it has been in a very long time. Yesterday was especially bad. Today I had a blank spell. I...

August 5, 2017

It is a very good day. The depression is gone. Stress is manageable. No stomach aches, no chest pain, no panic attacks. All told I am normal today. Not normal for me. Normal for everyone. I am alone today as my wife is getting things ready for our...

Aug 4, 2017

It is not such a bad day. The depression is mild. Tears still threaten me. I took a valium early on and so my nerves aren't too bad although I do have stomach pains. No chest pains though. I've had panic attacks each of the last few days but have had...