August 11, 2017

I am a nervous wreck today. Not sure why. I have no reason to be. Perhaps it is time for a valium. Well we have finally moved all of our clothes in. Next we have to rent a truck to get the bedroom set and my computer desk. My desk is a huge affair....

August 10, 2017

Depression is a little better today but it is still very bad. My wife really has to push me to get me moving and even then it takes a supreme effort of will. I have not had depression as bad as the past 3 days in a long while. I had a near panic...

August 9, 2017

I had a couple of really good days. Unfortunately the past 2 days have been equally bad. The depression has all but immobilized me. It has been worse than it has been in a very long time. Yesterday was especially bad. Today I had a blank spell. I...

August 5, 2017

It is a very good day. The depression is gone. Stress is manageable. No stomach aches, no chest pain, no panic attacks. All told I am normal today. Not normal for me. Normal for everyone. I am alone today as my wife is getting things ready for our...

Aug 4, 2017

It is not such a bad day. The depression is mild. Tears still threaten me. I took a valium early on and so my nerves aren't too bad although I do have stomach pains. No chest pains though. I've had panic attacks each of the last few days but have had...

July 28, 2017

All things considered it is not too bad a day. Depression is still deep and I'm still having trouble functioning. But we did go to the concert last night and it was great. I am so glad I went. Only thing is Joan Jett has gotten so old looking. But...

July 24, 2017

Not a good day. Not at all. My wife is moody and depressed. Downright miserable which makes my life miserable. My own depression is deep and abiding. Tears follow naturally and just as naturally I cannot let them show. The beast is strong today with...

July 22, 2017

It is not a good day, Depression is deep. Tears follow. It ias hard to move. Panic attacks are the name of the game. My wife is laughing at Facebook. I wish I could laugh. I wish I could smile for real. Not just s fake smile.  sllept like shit again....

July 21, 2017

I'm up st 5 AM. I tossed and turned all night king. Up every hour. Finnally gave up the ghost at 5. Depression i deep. Tears come for no reason at all. Having trouble typing. Have to keep erasing what I write. Scalp is tingling a sure sign of a...

July 20, 2017

Another bad day. Depression is deep and powerful. I can't overcome it. I need to get moving yet it is so hard to do so. I have to get a shower before my shrink's appointment. Then I have to decide what I am going to tell him. How I'm going to tell...

July 19, 2017

The depression was very bad last night. Very, very bad. Along with it came the tears of course. I had to fight to keep them in lest my wife see them and know how bad it was. Truth to tell she probably knew anyway just by loooking at me. It is not all...

July 18, 2017

We are back in New Jersey for a couple of weeks. I have doctor's appointments and we have a Jona Jett/Boston concert on the 27th. NC was OK. Had some issues with the clothes washer and drier while we were there. I fixed the washer. The drier is a...

July 8, 2017

It is a great day. I may be running a bit hypomanic. I am feeing too good. Yep. Always look a gift horse in the mouth. I was up part of the night with a massive headache. My wife took care of me and massaged my head. The only way I could get back to...

July 7, 2017

It is not too bad a day. I am a bit wound up though. Depression is not too bad. I am tapping and pacing and just about freaking out but it is not that bad. My wife is home to go to the doctor's with me. She will head back on Sunday. She is concerned...

July 6, 2017

I can't do this. How can I do this? How can I possibly be disabled? How can I go on disability? How do I get disability? How do I file? How do I prove it?  What's the difference between work's disability which is only temporary and permanent...

May 21, 2017

I am such a sad sack loser. I can no longer tell if the tears are from the depression or the fact that my wife's extended stay in North Carolina begins this week. We head down there today after work. We will drive down together. When I have to return...

May 20, 2017

It is not a very good day. Depression is kicking my ass, making it difficult to move or to function. The beast is back in all his vociferousness. I did not sleep so well last night. I am tired and miserable and fed up with dayworks already. Man was...

May 19, 2017

Dayworks suck. All of the bosses are in and I need to find someway to keep myself busy out on the units. I can't sit in the office and monitor the units as I do on nightworks. I have to rely on the control operators to monitor them for me and, not...

May 18, 2017

Not a very good day but I guess it could have been worse. Depression has been a bear. Panic attacks have been right on the edge. Had a nasty headache when I got up. I didn't sleep too badly though so I guess there's a good side to everything. Kind of...

May 16, 2017

It is a tears day although I do not know why. I am way down again today. Depression is kicking my ass. But I have had no panic attacks or headaches at least. I slept like the dead last night. Not surpsising since I did not sleep a wink the night...

May 5, 2017 - The proposal

She sang: "Baby baby don't get hooked on me..." Too late. I already am. Hooked I mean. Seriously hooked. It is not such a bad day as these days go. Oh I have depression but it is relatively light. The beast is but a faint whisper inside my head. No...