May 2, 2016

I'm fighting a panic attack. Holding on tight and keeping it at bay. But it's growing and growing. Chest is hurting. Breath is tight. Panic wells up inside me and I push it down. Down. Down. Trying hard to hold it off. I think my son is battling a...

May 1, 2016

Not too bad a day. Not a really good one either. Depression is light and manageable. I have been able to function without too much difficulty. It was a headache day though. It started out not too bad but grew much worse as the morning went on. For a...

April 30, 2016

It is not a bad day so far. Not a really good one either. I'm sort of blah this morning. But I can breathe again. Looks like the cold is passing at last. Kind of down today but not seriously so. No suicidal ideations. No panic attacks. Nothing major...

April 29, 2016

Not doing well today at all. My wife freaked out again last night. That's 3 nights this week. More and more often she says she cannot stay here. She promises to take me with her if she leaves then she leaves to go for a ride and leaves me here with...

April 28, 2016

It's another day. I got up, made coffee and sat out back watching the sun come up while I drank it. It's cloudy out but still it was beautiful. Or perhaps because of the clouds it was beautiful. Deep reds and oranges. Red sky in morning sailor take...

April 27, 2016

It's a headache day today. Headache and that damn depression that's back. I had to go out early to pick up Matteo and bring him here to catch his school bus. I've been doing that so that he gets to sleep home with his family. But I will not be able to...

April 25, 2016

Well after 5 good days yesterday it all fell apart. Depression was back with endless tears. It was one of those days where I could do nothing right. Everything I touched went to shit. This culminated in a severe spat with my wife that had her taking...

April 23, 2016

10 20 30 40 50 or more...... LOL! That song is stuck in my head. Dunno where it came from. That's why I posted it. It's another good day. 4th or 5th one in a row. I'm on a roll! Going to look at houses with my daughter. She's looking to buy. She's...

April 21, 2016

Not a bad day so far. No depression. No headaches. No panic attacks. What more could I ask for? It's supposed to be beautiful outside today. I have yard work I will do. I always have more yard work. I'm going to take the trampoline down. They have...

A Perfect Day

We had a very good day. We started out to the Philadelphia waterfront with the intention of catching the lunch cruise on the Spirit of Philadelphia but we missed the boat by half an hour. The ad said they had 2 cruises but this early in the season...

April 20, 2016

Tears again today. But it's not a bad day. I'm just prone to these damn tears. My wife is still having a hard time with the loss of her father. She is filled with rage and grief. We keep having to go out for a ride. It does not help any that she has...

April 19, 2016

Not too bad a day. The depression is manageable. No headache. No panic attacks. Stress is low so far today. We started the day out very early. Had to be over my daughter's at 5 AM to watch the kids while she went to work. We had to get them up at 7...

April 18, 2016

This little baby of mine... let it shine let it shine let it shine Jeremiah no longer seems so small next to Natalyah. She's such a tiny little thing. And so cute. She smiles at her pop all the time. Miah isn't jealous yet at all and I thought he...

April 17, 2016

Natalyah is home at last. She is such a dainty little thing. I thought Miah was small. Next to her he is huge. She is in there awake right now. Awake and making faces. Where do babies learn to yawn and smile and frown? They seem to be born knowing...

April 16, 2016

People are so ignorant. I went to Wawa to get my wife a tea and me a coffee. I was at the island making her tea and this lady comes up and just elbows me out of the way. She reached right across me to grab the milk and just sort of edged her way in...

April 13, 2016

It's another headache day. Not a severe one but bad enough. It's my left side of my head which is unusual. It's crewing with my mind. Having problems proecessing thoughts. The depression is bad today too. I cannot move or function. Tears are the neame...

April 12, 2016

It was a very rough morning. Full of tears and the tender ministrations of the beast. But I am better now. The tears have halted and the beast has quieted down some. Not all the way but enough to allow me to deal with it. The headache is gone but the...

April 7, 2016

I'm in stasis today. Numbed out. Numbed out with tears of course. Tears over feeling nothing. Dead inside. Chilled to the bone. Feeling nothing at all. That's better than feeling any day of the week. Kind of depressed I guess. Of course I'm always...

April 6, 2016

Another day another dollar and a quarter. Less than 2 weeks to my shrink appointment. I should be able to go back to work after that. If I can figure out what to say to him. I need him to call the work doctor and tell him I am fine. I am hoping that...

April 5, 2016

Kate is such a good girl. She's mostly housebroken although you have to stay on top of letting her out or she is not bove messing in the house. She walks well on the leash. She is a little ball of love who wants nothing more than to be held and...