March 8, 2017

mmm mmm coffee is good this morning. I am OK this morning I guess. I mean the depression is light and the beast is silent. No headache so that is a good thing. No panic attacks which is even better. And my wife is home from Florida which is best....

March 7, 2017

It is not such bad day at this ungodly hour. The depression is all but gone. The beast is quiet. No headache this morning. No panic attck either. My wife will be home today. Unfortunately I will be in work when she gest home. She had a good time in...

March 6, 2017

It is not a very good day. I woke with a killer headache and the hangover from it has yet to leave me. The depression is more than moderately deep. The beast is loud and insistent. Obnoxious little bastard he is let me tell you. He keeps insisting I...

March 5, 2017

I am doing better today. The beast is quiet. The depression is faint. No headache when I woke up. No panic attacks. All told I am good if still missing my wife. Last night the beast was horrible. He pressed me something fierce. I even dissociated...

March 4, 2017

No headache this morning! Yayyy! Depression is light. Barely there. The beast is quiet. I did not sleep well though. I was up and down all morning. Bad dreams again don't ya know. The dreams have left a hangover behind. I still feel them. Not...

March 3, 2017

Depression is deep today. The beast is loud and obnoxious. It is not a good day. I woke with another headache and it's been all downhill from there. Tears threaten me. I am alone as expected while she is gone. No one even calls me. They all center...

March 2, 2017

I have another headache today. A severe once. Not where the world narrows to a dim gray tunnel when I stand though. Still intense enough to make me sick to my stomach and make it hard to type this. Depression has taken a back burner to the headache....

March 1, 2017

I am better today, all things being relative. Woke with a massive headache. Another one. But the tears are gone and the depression is lighter. Not exactly light. Just lighter. I'm still sort of ... dunno. Still sort of messed up. But it is better...

Feb 28, 2017

It's not such a good day. Just... dunno. I am very dunno today. Kind of down. Kind of out. Alone and lonely. Tears flow and I don't know why. My heart aches from something, I don't know what. I'm just so down today. My wife leaves for Florida in 2...

Feb 27, 2017

I am kind of lost this morning. Lost and alone. Depression wracks me. The beast is back. No panic attacks though but I did have a headache when I got up. I slept too deeply I think. It was like I was dead. The headache was probably from that. It...

Feb 26, 2017

It is a good day as these days go. Depression is light, almost gone. The beast is quiet. No panic attacks, only a slight headache this morning and no more dissociating. All told I am in good shape. I slept well too but after a daywork that is not...

Feb 25, 2017

I had a rough morning. Very rough. Not due to anything going on around me. No. I was dissociating big time. Haven't done that in a long, long time. It's kind of eerie when it happens. Sort of like a functioning blackout I guess. Where I have gaps in...

Feb 24, 2017

It is not such a bad day I guess. The depression is moderate and the beast is but a faint whisper in the darkness. I woke up with another blazing headache and had to down a double handful of headache pills to take care of it. It was tough stumbling...

Feb 23, 2017

It is not a bad day. Not today. Yesterday was bad. Very bad. But today is better. The depression lightens again. The beast is quiescent. I am, all told, well. I did wake with a headache this morning but it was not a monstrous one as I have been known...

Feb 21, 2017

Depression is back today. The beast has returned. He is loud and obnoxious. He tells me things... things designed to drive me mad. He is an unstoppable force and yet I do my utter best to ignore him. He has lost some of his voracity with me. His voice...

Feb 20, 2017

I had another great day yesterday. Depression was light and the beast was silent. We went down to the shore and walked the boards then stopped at Chickie and Pete's to have lunch. We really did nothing but walk yet it was peaceful to the point of...

Feb 19, 2017

I had a good day yesterday. A very good day. The grands were here as were the kids and 2 of my nieces with their kids. I play with the little ones out back. Miah got himself a full squirt gun and was squirting everyone in sight. Maddy and DJ and...

Feb 18, 2017

I woke with another killer headache this morning. I was alone and so I had to stumble into the kitchen and put on coffee with my head pounding and the world going dim and gray around me, I gobbled some headache pills first thing. A double handful of...

Feb 17, 2017

It is not too bad of a day. Depression is here but it is light. The beast is mostly silent except for some rare moments when he rears his ugly head. No panic attacks or headaches in days now. Work wasn't too bad these past couple of dayworks....

Feb 14, 2017

Not a bad day at all. Depression is all but non existent. The beast is quiet. No headaches, no panic attacks and I slept well. I woke up very early which is a good thing since I have to go to bed very early tonight in order to get up for daywork...