Dec 13, 2016

It is a good day as these days go. Depression is light if it is there at all. I slept well and woke with only aslight headache that soon disappeared without taking any ibuprofen or tylenol. I had a panic attack last night but so far today there has...

Dec 12, 2016

It is a down day. Perhaps not depression but definitely down. There are no tears so it may not be depression. Had a headache when I woke up. A nasty one. Took the last of my ibuprofen to get rid of it. I'll have to pick up more on the way to work....

Dec 11, 2016

It is not such a bad day. Depression is light but still there. The beast is quiet but he still whispers inside my head. There have been no panic attacks. Nor any headaches. I slept will but not as long as I'd like to. I had one bad dream and it is...

Dec 10, 2016

It is a better day. Depression is growing lighter. No tears. No headache. No panic attacks. I slept well. All in all I feel like a new man. I think a good night's sleep is vital to feeling better. With no dreams and no headache. Poor sleep always...

Dec 9, 2016

It's been a rough couple of days. The depression has been deep and long lasting. The beast has been loud and obnoxious. I have had repeated panic attacks in work. Each night has been a 3 clonozepam night. They are needed to fight the panic attacks....

Dec 7, 2016

It is not a good day. I have a killer headache. Depression is back. The beast is back. No panic attacks though thank God. Head is all screwed up. I did not sleep well at all. I was up at all hours of the night. Up and down and up and down. Bad dreams....

Dec 5, 2016

A good day. No depression. The hypomania has passed. I slept well this morning. I did wake with a headache but it is gone now. No panic attacks. Nothing but normalcy. Even the beast has been silent. I have been alone with the dogs all day. It has not...

Wheeeeeee!

Going away is the blue bird... here to stay is a new bird...   Well the blue bird has gone away at least. Dunno about here to stay though.   I think I'm running a bit hypomanic all of a sudden. Like throwing a switch.   Or maybe a...

Dec 3, 2016

What is going on? In the past week 4 people we know have died. And Lucy's brother Damien died too. One of the people was a 21 year old young man who died of suicide. A few years ago his brother went the same way when he jumped off the Walt Whitman...

I just have to be strong and keep the mask in place

It has been a long day. Long and lonely. My wife was here and so were Miah and Tally but the loneliness comes from within and not from without. With the depression deepening today I simply cannot connect with the world. I am alone, inside. I cannot...

Dec 2, 2016

It is a not so good day. Depression has deepened. The beast is that much louder. He says unspeakable things to me. I did not sleep well at all. Had a difficult time getting to sleep last night and then I wasup every hour on the half hour. I finally...

Dec 1, 2016

It is not really a bad day. Depression is back but it is mild. The beast is a whisper inside my head rather than a cacophonous pain in the ass. I have not had a panic attack since the other night in work. No headaches either. I was getting a monster...

Nov 30, 2016

Another good day without depression. No headaches either. I did have a panic attack last night in work that was pretty vicious but today is turning out to be a good one so far. I will see if I get another headache tonight. So far I'm batting 1000 with...

Nov 29, 2016

It's been a good few days here now. No depression to speak of. No panic attacks. No beastie boys in my head.   But I have been getting headaches like clockwork. Each night around 8 PM or so it starts. I start taking tylenol as soon as I feel it...

Nov 26, 2016

It is a good day. No depression to speak of. No headache, thank God. No panic attacks, no voices, no tears. I feel good. It was a little sunnyout when I gotup but the clouds have moved in and it is once again a gray day but that's not getting to me. I...

Nov 25, 2016

It is a good day. After a wonderful Thanksgiving day I have no depression. I did wake upat 5 AM with a killer headache. I took 5 tylenol then went back to bed. After sleeping a few more hours the headache was gone thank God. There have been no panic...

Nov 23, 2016

It's 2:30 AM. Where are YOUR children? LOL! Been one of those nights where I just can't sleep. Up every hour on the half hour. I have finally given up and so I got up out of bed. I am not so bad today. No depression, no headache, no panic attacks....

Nov 21, 2016

A much better day. Depression grows light again. Light enough to not be a problem. I slept well but rose with a headache. Tooksome headache pills (better living by modern chemistry) then drank some coffee. Headache gone. My knee had been troubling me...

Nov 20, 2016

It is not such a bad day. Depression has been lightening each day. Today it is not too bad. The beast is being his usual pain in the ass but I am ignoring him. Still tears come at unexpected moments. I slept a little better today, only waking a few...

Nov 19, 2016

The depression is milder today but still deep enough to make it hard to move. I did not sleep well again although I did not get out of bed until noon. Broken sleep is worse than no sleep at all. I had a headache when I woke but it was not a severe...

Nov 17, 2016

Depression is deep today. The beast is being a pain in the ass. He is stridently trying to convince me that I am better off dead. That the world is better off without me. That all I do is bring harm to those whom I love. That THEY are better off...