Jan 31, 2017

It is a good day. Depression is very light, almost gone. The beast is quiet. No headache, no panic attacks. Nothing but near normalcy. I have to go see my new PCP soon. He is a doctor I saw years ago when he was in the office of my old PCP. He is a...

Jan 30, 2017

There is this weirdly glowing orb in he sky. It casts a weak light over every thing outside. Yes the sun has put in an appearance today. It was hidden behind clouds an hour and a half ago when I first got up and it maye very well be hidden again in...

Jan 29, 2017

Today is not such a bad day. Depression is light. The beast is quiet. No headaches. No panic attacks. I am just godawful tired. Dunno why. I slept well but I felt like I could have slept another week. I am in work and having a difficult time keeping...

Jan 28, 2017

It is not such a good day. Depression still runs rampant. Tears still flow. The beast is back. But no panic attacks. I did have a headache when I awoke. A nasty one. I think it is because I slept too heavily. I did sleep like the dead. My phone woke...

Jan 27, 2017

It is not such a bad day. Depression is light but still there. The beast is quiet. I've had no headaches although I did have a panic attack this morning. It was a bad one. Even the clonozepam did not help. I was sure I was dying of heart failure....

Jan 26, 2017

It is not such a bad day. Not a particularly good one either. Depression and tears still here. The beast still around. But it is ligt and he is quiet as a whisper so it's not too bad. Except for the damn tears. God how I hate those tears. And the...

Jan 23, 2017

It is a good day as these days go. No depression, no panic attacks and no headache. I got my script refilled yesterday and today I feel good. Normal. Normalcy is not to be underrated. Have to go get my third hearing test in work this morning. Not...

Jan 22, 2017

I am not quite right today. My wife says I look like I'm drugged. I feel like I'm drugged. My meds are out of balance since I ran out of lamotrogine some days ago. I keep saying I have to get it refilled but never quite make it to do so. That is the...

Jan 20, 2017

Today is a good day as these days go. No depression, no panic attacks, no headache and best of all no beast. My knee has been bothering me again but that's likely due to the weather. I am very tired today. Haven't really done much of anything all day...

Jan 17, 2017

It is not a bad day. Not necessarily a good one either but it's better than yesterday and so that is an improvement. Depression is light and the beast is quiet. I can't ask for much more than that. No panic attacks, no headaches. Life is good for a...

Jan 16, 2017

Mmmmmm good! Coffee is good this morning or afternoon or whatever it is, Nice and thick and rich and best of all hot. I love it when a brew comes out perfect. Still bothered by the depression but today it is relatively mild. All things considered...

Jan 15, 2017

It is not a good day. Not at all. The depression is kicking my ass. It makes it hard to breathe much less move or actually interact with anyone else. It is a huge dark blanket that is smothering me. The beast is back loud and clear with all of his...

Jan 14, 2017

It's not too bad a day. Depression is light, the beast is quiet. No panic attacks and no headaches. I am alone again. As always. I live my life alone. My wife is always out running. Being alone isn't so bad I guess. Sometimes. Sometimes it is...

Jan 13, 2017

It is not a good day. The cold is back with a vengeance. Depression is back if it ever left. The beast is back. I am alone again. Always alone. When she retired she said she could be home more often but it seems the opposite is true. She is home less...

Jan 12, 2017

It's not a bad as these days go. Depression is light. The beast is mostly silent. No panic attacks and, blessedly, no headaches. I slept well but I was up very, very early. Like 3:30 AM early.Not really sure why but I knew from the moment I woke there...

Jan 11, 2017

After a couple of days of numbness the feelings come crashing back like a tidal wave. Depression of course. It is back as if it had never left. I am still moving and thinking very slowly. Slow tears burn their way down my cheeks. No sobs, just leaking...

Jan 10, 2017 8 PM

I'm still kind of numb today. Dead inside. Unfeeling. No pain, no tears. No elation... no anything at all. I am taking colonozepam to maintain he numbness. To keep myself dead to the world. It is so nice not to feel anything at all. Blessed peace at...

Jan 9, 2017 8:00 PM

I'm numbed out today. Dead on the inside. No feelings whatsoever. Simply numb. Dead to the world.   It is a nice place to be. It sure beats the depression and even the mania. Numb. Blessed numbness.   My cold is still very bad. Hey Sue.....

Jan 7, 2017

I feel better today. If not perfect at least I can breathe without coughing. For the most part at least. My head and chest are both still congested. My throat is still sore. But the cough has improved. It's still not a dry cough but it is less...

Jan 6, 2017

I feel like shit again. So bad that I called off work. Gagging and choking and tossing my cookies. Head all plugged up. Chest all congested. I barely slep for all of the coughing. And I have a sore throat. I feel bad about calling off. They have no...

Jan 6, 2017 - A 3:30 AM Ramble

3 down, 2 more to go. Nightworks that is. Then one day off and back for 2 more. I hate when they take away my 3 day weekend like this. Now I have to wait 2 more weeks for another one.   An eerily quiet night at the refinery. Of course it is....

Jan 5, 2017 2 AM

It's another quiet night at the oil works. Makes for a long, long night. But I'd rather things were quiet then to be running my ass off. Especially in this weather. I think the temperature is right around freezing but the wind chill has to be down...

Jan 4, 2017

Well this is day number 2 of 8. One of our shifties had a death in his family and so I have to work this weekend for him. I am already working tonight and tomorrow night and next Monday and Tuesday so counting last night that makes 8 in a row. 12 hour...