Feb 28, 2017

It's not such a good day. Just... dunno. I am very dunno today. Kind of down. Kind of out. Alone and lonely. Tears flow and I don't know why. My heart aches from something, I don't know what. I'm just so down today. My wife leaves for Florida in 2...

Feb 27, 2017

I am kind of lost this morning. Lost and alone. Depression wracks me. The beast is back. No panic attacks though but I did have a headache when I got up. I slept too deeply I think. It was like I was dead. The headache was probably from that. It...

Feb 26, 2017

It is a good day as these days go. Depression is light, almost gone. The beast is quiet. No panic attacks, only a slight headache this morning and no more dissociating. All told I am in good shape. I slept well too but after a daywork that is not...

Feb 25, 2017

I had a rough morning. Very rough. Not due to anything going on around me. No. I was dissociating big time. Haven't done that in a long, long time. It's kind of eerie when it happens. Sort of like a functioning blackout I guess. Where I have gaps in...

Feb 24, 2017

It is not such a bad day I guess. The depression is moderate and the beast is but a faint whisper in the darkness. I woke up with another blazing headache and had to down a double handful of headache pills to take care of it. It was tough stumbling...

Feb 23, 2017

It is not a bad day. Not today. Yesterday was bad. Very bad. But today is better. The depression lightens again. The beast is quiescent. I am, all told, well. I did wake with a headache this morning but it was not a monstrous one as I have been known...

Feb 21, 2017

Depression is back today. The beast has returned. He is loud and obnoxious. He tells me things... things designed to drive me mad. He is an unstoppable force and yet I do my utter best to ignore him. He has lost some of his voracity with me. His voice...

Feb 20, 2017

I had another great day yesterday. Depression was light and the beast was silent. We went down to the shore and walked the boards then stopped at Chickie and Pete's to have lunch. We really did nothing but walk yet it was peaceful to the point of...

Feb 19, 2017

I had a good day yesterday. A very good day. The grands were here as were the kids and 2 of my nieces with their kids. I play with the little ones out back. Miah got himself a full squirt gun and was squirting everyone in sight. Maddy and DJ and...

Feb 18, 2017

I woke with another killer headache this morning. I was alone and so I had to stumble into the kitchen and put on coffee with my head pounding and the world going dim and gray around me, I gobbled some headache pills first thing. A double handful of...

Feb 17, 2017

It is not too bad of a day. Depression is here but it is light. The beast is mostly silent except for some rare moments when he rears his ugly head. No panic attacks or headaches in days now. Work wasn't too bad these past couple of dayworks....

Feb 14, 2017

Not a bad day at all. Depression is all but non existent. The beast is quiet. No headaches, no panic attacks and I slept well. I woke up very early which is a good thing since I have to go to bed very early tonight in order to get up for daywork...

Feb 13, 2017

I am not too badly off today. Deprssion is mild. The beast is but a whisper in my head. However I did sleep poorly and woke wioth another headache. I gobble some headache pills and drank some coffee and the headache is gone although it does leave...

Feb 11, 2017

It is another bad day. Depression is like a wet blanket smothering me. I woke with a monstrous headache. I did not sleep well at all. Bad dreams haunted my sleep. I've been in almost a fugue state since I woke. No panic attacks though so that is a...

Feb 10, 2017

It is not such a bad day. I'm up and moving. Got a shower and shave. Depression is light but still there. The beast is a distant whisper inside my head. No headaches today but I did have a panic attack this morning. Had to take 2 clonozepam to deal...

Feb 9, 2017

Looks like our massive snowfall is a big flop. We have maybe an inch of snow on the ground and the end of it is in sight in another hour or so. Not that I'm complaining mind you. No. I never complain when the snowfall is lighter than they predict. But...

Feb 8, 2017

Depression is the name of the game today. I've run out of my AD's and I am feeling it. Way down in the dumps. Tears come for no reason. The beast is loud and obnoxious. I can barely move. Yet I have to move. I have things to get done. It is...

Feb 7, 2017

My first daywork in almost two years wasn't so bad. It was actually pretty quiet as dayworks go. It was hard on me though because I didn't sleep well the night before. All manner of dreams kept waking me up. Disturbing ones as always. My depression...

Feb 3, 2017

Man what a day. My son fell off a 10 foot ladder and sliced his finger to the bone so my wife went to meet him at the hospital. That left me alone with my 3 youngest grands for 3 hours. Man those kids can wear you out. I couldn't take my eyes off...

Feb 1, 2017

It is not such a bad day. Depression is light. The beast is quiet. No panic attacks and no headache. All things told I would say it is a pretty good day. I had the two youngest grands for an hour while my wife did some of her never ending running....