May 30, 2016

Not a good day. Not at all. The voice is loud and insistent. It echoes within me head. It makes me bleed. It is a gray and rainy day to match my mood. Tears are ever present. The pain of the past impacts the present. The voice sees to that. It will...

May 28, 2016

It is a good day. A great day. I am in a superb mood. Maybe even a bit hypomanic. Maybe. Who cares. I haven't been in this good a mood in forever. Lots of energy and my spirits are way, way up. Even my wife's bad mood can't get to me today. We went...

May 27, 2016

It was a long night. I had bad dreams again and was up at least a half dozen times. Dreams that seemed so real. I think at one time that I dreamed I was dreaming. How weird is that? Each dream left me in tears and unnerved. How could I continue to...

May 26, 2016

Today is a blah day. Just not feeling it. Not depression per se. Just sort of down in the dumps. Listless and low on energy. Kind of depressed but not quite as deep. I have a low grade headache that just won't quit. Tried the caffeine and tylenol...

May 25, 2016

It hasn't been that bad a day. Depression has been light and moving not all too difficult. The hardest part, as always, was getting started. I did some running this morning then went out to breakfast with my wife. When we got home I had chest pains...

May 24, 2016

Not a very good day. Every thing that can go wrong today is. One of those days that I never should have gotten out of bed. One of those days that took all my will power to get out of bed and I should have stayed there. Way down upon the swannee...

May 23, 2016 Rambles

I dunno today. Just... dunno. Dunno where I am or where I am going. Dunno what I will fined when I get there. Dunno if I am depressed or just sad or just... blah. Dunno what the voice is saying. I'm ignoring him today. Dunno. Just dunno. Another gray...

May 20, 2016

It is a headache and tears day. Always tears. I have so many tears. Head is throbbing. It is killing me. Down today. Seriously down. Do not have to pick up the kids this morning. Matteo stayed here last night and Mary is home this morning for the...

May 19, 2016

Today is a good day. The depression is gone. I did have a panic attack and I needed a nitro pill for the chest pain but it is gone now, both the panic and the pain. Amazing what a little pill under the tongue can do and how fast it does it. I am...

May 18, 2016

It's not too bad a day. It started off with a headache but some tylenol and a little coffee took care of that. No tears yet today nor any sign of a panic attack. Depression is minimal so all's good on that point. I had another bad dream last night....

May 17, 2016

I laid down for a while. Slept some. Had a bad dream. But I am better now. Headache is gone. I am functioning again. Have to call the shrink in a little bit. He doesn't start until noon. Disability is looking like an impossibility. It would take 3 to...

May 15, 2016

I'm now officially on no pay at all. The insurance company closed my short term disability claim because they did not receive the papers from my doctor in time. I have to call them on Monday and see if I can rectify this. Concurrent with that I have,...

May 12, 2016

I admit to a bad case of nerves over the shrink appt today. And over going back to work. And over my wife leaving me alone with the kids over Memorial Day weekend. I m stressing today over all of it. Had to take a nitro pill for the chest pain. It...

May 10, 2016

It is not a good day. A day for tears or so it seems. Depression is kicking my butt again. I've been so sad and listless and out of energy. It's hard to get moving and once I do it is hard to keep moving. We went out to Friendly's for breakfast and...

May 9, 2016

Well it's not too bad a day so far. I'm kind of spaced this morning. Nothing a little coffee won't help. No depression and so far no panic attacks. I did have another yesterday, It was a nasty one complete with all the symptoms. The chest pain and...

May 8, 2016

Not a good morning. I'm borderline on another panic attack. Had one yesterday too on the ride home. Not pretty to be stuck in a car while having a panic attack complete with shortness of breath and chest pain. It was a real bitch. We were supposed to...