Sept 30, 2016

It is not a bad day. That does not mean it is a good one though. Depression still likes at my ass. I did not sleep well again. No dreams this time that I can remember. Just kept waking up every hour and a half. Then it takes a half hour to get back to...

Sept 29, 2016

It was a rough night last night. Very rough. We were very busy and I was dog tired. Every time I sat down I began to fall asleep. Good thing I did not get many chances to sit. I slept like the dead when I got home. Actually the ride home was...

Sept 28, 2016

It was a very bad night. Very very bad. I was up constantly and finally gave up the ghost around 2:30 AM. I later tried laying down again but sleep eluded me. Bad news on a night when I have to work 4:30 to 4:30. Bad news indeed. The shit with my...

Sept 25, 2016

It is not a bad day. Not an especially good one either. At least there are people here today. My oldest with her kids and her boyfriend. My wife. My son was here for a bit with Maddy. It beats an empty house. Depression is kicking my ass today. Even...

Sept 24, 2016

Another day of rough sleep. The dreams still pester me. I will never be over him at this rate. I woke up virtually every hour and a half with those nasty dreams. They are really quite explicit. Almost X rated. A soft X or a hard R rating. They leave a...

Sept 23, 2016

It's not a bad day but not a good one either. I had more dreams last night and slept like shit. Always the same sort of dreams. Always. Today I am rather down. Alone as always. I have work tonight so tonight I will see and talk to people. Not really...

Sept 22, 2016

I started this day with another monstrous headache. The worst I've had in a long time. A migraine. One of those where light is like daggers piercing your eyes and the world dims to a narrow gray tunnel if you stand up too fast. It was bad and neither...

Sept. 21, 2016

It is a blah kind of day. I am just blah. Little energy, some mild depression. Down. Just cannot wake up even though I've been up for hours and already had my coffee. Everyone is blah today. Even Jeremiah. The little tyke is sleeping right now. So is...

Sept 20, 2016

57 years ago my mother was in labor. She has regretted it even since. (smile) One year closer to that big 60. That is when I am officially old. Even the government allows me to collect my pension without penaly. Yes I am a Virgo. Strengths: Loyal,...

Sept 19, 2016

Rain today. Very heavy at time. Teardrops from heaven to wash away the tears on my cheeks. A gentely caress as the rain rolls downward. Even the dogs refuse to go out in such weather yet I must to get to the garage to smoke. Smoking is gonna be the...

Sept 17, 2016

It is a good day so far. No depression. No beast. My knee is being good. No panic attacks. No headaches. Everything is just right. I woke to an empty house again. These days the house is empty more often than not. It makes me miss Jeremiah. The...

Sept 16, 2016

It's not a bad day as days go. The numbness has subsided and I once again feel and live. I am no longer dead to the world or dead inside. The beast is quiescent and I am at peace. Had another headache when I got up. That's 2 days in a row now. I hope...

Sept 15, 2016

It is a relatively good day. It started out with a killer headache as soon as I got up. Some tyleno and some caffeine took care of that. But the headache left my stomach feeling queasie. I am down again today but not out. The beast is quiet which is...

Sept 13, 2016

A much better day today. The depression has all but passed. The beast is quiet. He makes me think such screwed up thoughts. Even as I fight him he twists my head all around. He knows exactly what buttons to push because he knows me better than I know...

Sept 12, 2016

The christening was good. The ceremony was nice and the baby did not cry. Jeremiah was relatively good in church. We had a nice day. I even managed to talk to some people. Had a long conversation with my dad which wasn't too difficult. I could not...

Sept 11, 2016

Natalyah's christening is today. The party afterwards will be a trial. I am not up to socializing. My socializing skills are pretty much non existent anyway. On a day like today, when depression rules the roost, it is damn near impossible. I do not...

Sept 10, 2016

Natalyah's christening is tomorrow. It is at noon so I will get to sleep a little bit before it. The party afterwards will be at my youngest's home. It will be her first party in her new home. I hope that all goes well. I am glad that they are...

Sept 9, 2016

I am kind of down today. Not quite out but definitely down. Alone and down. The voice is sort of quiet. Kind of whispering. Leaving me to my own condemnations. I think that yesterday was more or less a hypomanic day. I could us some of that energy...

Sept 8, 2016 Part Two

I am sort of spastic today. Wired. Stressed out. No reason for it. I just am. Nervous and jerky. Twitchy. Heart racing. Fist squeezing my chest. Almost like the beginnings of a panic attack but it is different somehow. Not the same. Not sure exactly...

Sept 7, 2016

No coffee today. We're out and I have no way to get more since my wife is at work. That's the first bummer. Then the depression grows slowly worse. That's the second. The voice is back and increasing in volume. He says such hateful things. He hates me...

September 6, 2016

I was only up for a few minutes when our power went out. Power. We take it for granted. Now without it I couldn't even make coffee. I swear we should keep a percolator as backup. I had to heat up water on the stove, which I had to light by hand, then...

September 5, 2016

Hermine has turned around and is headed north westward towards land. So far, in this area, she has mostly brought large waves and strong rip currents down at the shore. We've had some cloud cover but no rain or high winds. They are saying she could...