Oct 31, 2016

It is not such a bad day. Depression still hangs in there but it is relatively mild. No panic attacks. No headaches. Knee is being good although it did bother me some in work last night. The beast is resting after his onslaught last night. Which...

Oct 30, 2016 - A Ramble

Well it's a quiet night at the oil works. Maybe a little too quiet. Nights like tonight are long ones. A little bit of activity might almost be welcome. Just a little. Of course it never goes that way. It is always either utter insanity or dead quiet...

Oct 29, 2016

The Halloween party last night was not too bad. I did endup holding up the walls but we did not stay too long. Only a couple of hours. We had to leave to pick up the grands. My wife had a good time talking and dancing and just being her outgoing self....

Oct 28, 2016

Not a very bad day but not especially good either. Depression hangs in there as always. Woke with a screaming headache and there was no coffee. My wife brought me home a cup from Dunkin Donuts. No panic attacks though so that is a plus. My knee...

Oct 27, 2016

It is not a bad day. Not a particularly good day either. Depression has stepped up a notch. I did not sleep well today. Not at all. Had nasty dreams again.All about HIM, again. I wish I knew what he looked like. Then perhaps he would not be so much...

Oct 26, 2016

It is not too bad a day. Depression is light. I've had not headaches now for a while. Nor any panic attacks. The beast is comparatively quiet. Or he was. My wife just stepped him up a notch. I was driving her to work and she decided to tell me the...

Oct 25, 2016

A good day. No depression. When there is no depression it is always a good day. No panic attacks. No headache. I slept well and only woke up twice. Only once with a bad dream. A dream about HIM of course. He isalways bigger than life. Always better...

Oct 23, 2016

Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Unless it's a digital clock. Broken digital clocks are normally just... blank. That is me today. Blank. Numb. Dead inside. As if I don't even exist. It was so hard getting up today. Even coffee did not wake...

Oct 22, 2016

It is a cold and rainy day outside. Highs will only be in the mid 50's, a full 30 degrees colder than it was just 3 days ago. It is a gray day. One of those days that I hate. The damp, the cold, especially the grayness. I miss the sun. Seems like most...

Oct 21, 2016

If it's Friday then it must be Monday. I have to work this weekend including tonight. I hate 3 day weekends when I have to work. They are always so long. But I am thankful I have a job so I cannot complain. Soon enough I may not even have that. Of...

Oct 20, 2016

I am better today than yesterday. Depression is still a factor. I slept well. Almost 12 hours. I must have been tired. I only woke up twice. Neither time due to bad dreams. Not that I can remember anyway. No headache today. No panic attacks so far....

Oct 18, 2016

Well I'm up and drinking coffee. Getting ready for jury duty. I can't make up my mind whether or not I want to get on a trial. I have police in the family and one who was a friend so it may be a moot point. I tend to think most of those who are...

Oct 16, 2016

I'm pretty sure there's a mathematical algorithm to describe how cigarette butts fall in an ashtray. It would have to take into account the size and shape of the ashtray and how many butts are already there. It would describe whether or not the butt...

Oct 15, 2016

A good day. No depression, no panic attacks, no headaches. I slept well. My knee is being good. Yes. A very good day. Going to get my semiannual haircut today. I have to get a shower first. I only get my haircut 2 or 3 times a year so it goes from...

Oct 14, 2016

Another day. I am off today so that is a good thing. In fact I have the weekend off although it ends with a daywork on Monday. Mondays are always insanity in the yard and I expect no less. It will be my first daywork in over a year so it will be a...

Oct 13, 2016

It is another gray day outside. A day without sunshine. Seems like we get more gray days this year. The days are reminiscent of the gray days of winter. They have the same feel. They are a reminder that the long dark of winter is right around the...

Oct 12, 2016

It is a good day. A lazy day. I slept well but was woken up early when my wife called to let me know she had a doctor's appointment and would be late getting home. I was in the middle of a good dream too. Good dreams are so rare. They are worth their...

Oct 11, 2016

Not a bad day. Not a bad at all. Depression is all but gone. No beast. No panic attacks. My knee is being good. I slept well. All told a good day. Or it would be if my wife was in a better mood. She started off in a good mood but somewhere along...

Oct 10, 2016

Depression is still the name of the game today. And tears. Always tears of course. The beast is his usual pain in the ass self. It's funny but I've learned to tune him out. Selective hearing. He rattles on and on and I just ignore him. Mostly anyway....

Oct 9, 2016

A better day than yesterday. Each day gets a little better. The depression is mildly deep. The beast is quieter. No panic attacks as of yet so no need for clonazepam. Thank God for small blessings. Miah is here again today as well as Maddie. Those...

Oct 8, 2016

It's been another day. Another bad one. Not as bad as yesterday which was better than the day before so I cannot really complain. But the depression has been deep and the beast has been strident. Panic attacks each day have called for clonazepam....

Oct 7, 2016

It is not a good day. Yesterday was worse but today is not good at all. I slept like crap waking up every hour or so with bad dreams again. Some were really bizarre. All centered around HIM and my insecurity. Today the depression is deep and strong....