I had a decent day although I spent much of it alone. I am alone still. I mean totally alone. Just like the majority of the day.

I did some housework and some yard work. I had to get outside. It was a gorgeous day. The expected snow showers never came. Neither did the clouds.

Wifey is running still. She has been running all day. She has been having a hard time of it. April will be one year since her dad died and something like 20 years since her mom died. They both passed in the same week, years apart. It has been weighing heavily on my wife. She has been depressed, heavily, and crying all of the time. I wish I knew what to do to help her but it seems like only her online friends know how to help. I am very familiar with that and do not begrudge it to her.

I am currenly waiting for the first load of dishes to be done then I have another load to put in. I rinsed them all already. All except the pots. I do them separately.

I am kind of lost right now. Not rightly sure why. All I know is that I am. Lost and alone. What a combination.

I think I can feel the depression creeping back in. I can't afford that. We cannot, must not have 2 depressed people in the same household. It is my wife's turn to be depressed. At least she has a reason for it. Unlike me. There is no reason for my depression. Never is which only makes it worse.

She has been crying for days. The only time she did not cry was during the show last night. I really wish she would talk to me about it but she barely mentions it. I understand that too and so I do not press her.

She had one drink during dinner last night and got drunk from it. She was funny as a drunk. She always is.

Tensions over North Korea are rising sharply. Not sure what to believe about that. I know a North Korean regime with nuclear tipped ICBMs is a frightening prospect.

Damn. I am going down. That is for certain.

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Comments (2)

  1. GoldenPig2012

    Look, I’m a woman and I’m mad as hell my man wants to discuss a three-day camping trip to fucking Corpus Christi as our refrigerator slowly dies, we just nearly put our credit card to the limit to paint the house and I’m not going down yet, not yet. I’m tired, honey, not in the same way you are, but………….I’m worn out. I want to be DONE being me, being the one who……………….is always wrong or argumentative or ha ha ha ha ha ha………being me. I am.

    I’m TIRED. I wonder if anything I have to give or say or believe matters to anyone in this world. I’m pretty sure the odds are against that. But……I hang on because you have held my hand more than once. I’m not going to lie, others just pissing me off made me hang on just so I could attempt to prove them wrong. I’m not a good person, chuckle.

    I don’t want to fail you. I, hard swallow, can’t NOT fail you. I am a hateful bitch, just…………a horrible person, but…………when I love and care, I do my best. If my best fails you……………….who am I? How do I not define myself as a failure if I allow you to go down?

    You……………………….matter. You matter to me and I’m not much in life, but…………….by GOD, I’ll fight for you, I’ll make sure we don’t go out without a fight.

    March 20, 2017
    1. noahbody

      (hug) You have not failed me. It is things like this that I need to hear. Thank you. I am glad I was there to hold your hand. That means a lot to me.

      March 21, 2017