I'm stressing out tonight... big time. I'm on my 4th clonozepam and they do not seem to be helping. No real reason for the stress, almost a panic attack. It's a quiet night as nights in the oil works go. I'm just major league stressed out.

 

I had a low tire pressure idiot light on our truck so I put air in the tire that was low. Matt said it had a screw in it. Well I must have popped the screw out because the tire went flat right before the op's meeting. I took truck number 292, an old clunker that we used to drive. Well when I went into the meeting I forgot to turn the lights out (the other truck's lights go out automatically when you shut it off). Naturally the battery died and I had to get a jump from one of the guards. He wanted to bullshit and I was in no state to do so. I am afraid I was rather rude to him. After the jump I had to give him my id card number and the number of the truck. What a hassle. I then parked the truck and let it idle for 1/2 hour to charge the battery back up. I just checked it and it starts once again thank God for small blessings. The other truck will have to wait for Monday when the garage can come out and fix the flat tire. I'm not even sure it has a spare or where the jack and tire iron would be. Not that I'm inclined to try to change a tire while the truck is parked on gravel and in a dark corner of the yard anyway. That 292 sure is a clunker. The brakes on it are horrible and it doesn't even have a radio or air conditioning. That's what I get for putting air in the tire. Should have left well enough alone.

 

So I am walking the edge of a panic attack. Not good. Especially not good that the clonozepam aren't helping. They always have before. I told the shrink about the ongoing panic attacks when I saw him on Thursday. I had hoped he would up the clonozepam. Instead he recommended I see a therapist like I have not already been that route. Therapists never help because they are paid to pretend they care but deep inside you know they don't. It's all about the money. They could be thinking about tonight's dinner while you sit and pour your heart out to them. If you cannot pay them then there are no more appointments and they soon enough forget all about you. You mean nothing to them except a paycheck. They have to make a living too. What I need, really need, is a good, close friend to talk to. I had a few of them over the years and always managed to chase them away. I am very good at that. Besides I wouldn't know where to start anymore. It's all a big jumbled mess. My wife is too close. I cannot talk to her. She sees and knows everything anyway.

 

Well that's all for now folks. Be good and stay strong. Always remember the magic found in smiles and hugs and laughter. It can change your life. Listen to me. Who am I to give advice? I should be taking my own advice. It's free after all.

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Comments (4)

  1. depressedgirl

    Did you ask for an up in your dosage? If you did they should have given it to you. I know it depends on the doctor. I asked for an increase in my generic Xanax from my Tampa dr over and over. He always said it would make me even tireder. Here I only asked my shrink at the time for an increase and she gave it to me the first time I asked. I think she should have increased them, but then I’m not your doctor. I’m sorry you did not get an increase.

    March 26, 2017
    1. noahbody

      No. I did not specifically ask for an increase. I merely expected him to understand. Thank you.

      March 26, 2017
  2. sara4ever

    Seems like a high amount of pills to be taking.

    March 26, 2017
    1. noahbody

      I am only supposed to take 2 a day but they do not work unless I take 2 or 3 together. Or 4 if it’s really bad.

      March 26, 2017