April 6, 2017

It is a good day so far. Depression is all but gone. The beast is silent. No panic attacks. Only a slight headache when I awoke. And I slept well for a change. No bad dreams. No waking up unable to get back to sleep. Peace has settled upon my soul.

I did make it out yesterday to get my wife a tire and I went down to Delaware to get smokes. Then I picked up my wife at my daughter's and we went up to pick up Maddie. On the way we hit heavy traffic at 295 that was caused by a bad accident. I saw a truck on it's side all smashed up with it's windshield broken out. They either had to remove someone from the truck through the windshield or someone went through it. Perhaps both. There were 3 ambulances that responded. We both said a prayer for the injured. At one point we were stuck between two 18 wheelers as the road narrowed to one lane. I thought we were going to be squished like a bug but we were OK although the trucks got close enough to touch out the window.

I drove which was ofnote because I never drive. But my wife was so stressed out by the kids that she could not possible drive. They, the kids, have really been on her case lately. Ever since we got back from North Carolina they have not given her a break. She was in tears over all of the stress they cause her. She keeps saying she is going to leave and not come back. That is the only way that it will ever end. I try to tell her to say no to them but she insists she can't because then they call her all sorts of names and make her feel guilty. I cannot help her as long as that is how she feels. She needs to help herself. She needs to learn to tell them no and stick to it. It doesn't even help when I say no for her since she does it anyway. They keep her running all day every day. I feel so bad for her.

I am alone again because she is out running already.

It is a gray day outside and quite cool. The real feel temperature is 38 degF. We are due for rain and severe thunderstorms. It will be one of those days. I will have to busy myself with housework as going out is out of the picture. I hate gray days. They normally feed my depression but since today I have none it just weighs on me. I feel it dragging me down. After yesterday I should not complain but I can't help it. I wish everyday could be as nice as yesterday was.

Well that is all for today. I work nightworks this weekend starting tomorrow. I really do need to retire but realistically I have another 5 to 8 years to go. So close yet so far.

Be good and stay strong. Always remember the magic found in smiles and hugs and laughter. It can chane your life for the better if you can let it.

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Comments (8)

  1. SEC

    that first paragraph was a great present for my birthday! I hear Alice on the guilt trips our kids have been laying on us since they were toddlers.

    April 06, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Oh? Happy birthday! Yes they are experts at laying on the guilt. How come we never did that?

      April 06, 2017
      1. SEC

        who says we didn’t? but we did grow out of it (I hope)

        April 06, 2017
        1. noahbody

          Possibly. I don’t remember doing it but I may have without being aware of it. Mayhap that is the case with our kids. They don’t realize what they do. Or do they? I think my oldest knows full well what she does to her mother. She just doesn’t care.

          April 06, 2017
          1. SEC

            infants and toddlers are very self-centered little beasties, most of us grow out of that but some don’t

            April 06, 2017
            1. noahbody

              indeed.

              April 06, 2017
  2. belladora

    I can relate to the way she feels. Sometimes it seems kids just want and want more. Being a Mother or Father is a tough job. Saying “no” would empower her. It always did for me.

    April 07, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Yes it would. Saying no and sticking to it.

      April 07, 2017