April 9, 2017

It is another good day. Not great but good. No depression to speak of. No panic ayyacks. No beast. But I did wake up with a headache. One bad enough to make me feel sick to my stomach. I stumbled out to the kitchen to put coffee on only to find my wife had set it up before she lefy. That little lady is amazing. She always anticipates my needs. She always takes care of me.

She is gone now and as been since before I got up. I believe she had shopping to do today. It is Sunday and so she should not have much running to do for the kids so she should have the day to herself. Time to get things done that she has needed to get done all week. After Easter she will be going to NC with her sister for a couple of weeks or 3. I will mis her greatly. I have tried to talk her into making it just a week but she says she has painting and other things to get done down there. Damn house takes her away from me and I don't like it. It will be tough with her gone but I can do this. The reality is it won't be a whole hell of a lot different than when she is here since she is never home. My days off will be the trial. I don't know what I will do with myself without her. Already it brings tears to my eyes which is ridiculous but there it is.

One more night of work. The last 2 nights have been utter insanity. I have had near panic attacks each night. I hope tonight is quieter.

Today is a beautiful day. Low humidity, temps in the 70's. Bright sunshine and hardly even a breeze. I am glad I got up in time to enjoy it. Tomorrow and Tuesday it is supposed to be in the 80's before getting colder again. Spring is here at last. I noticed last night that it is not getting dark until 7:30 or so. That is good. Very good. Long lazy days of summer are on their way. The extended daylight hours do me good. They help keep the depression at bay.

I am truly alone today. Not even Miah to keep me company. That's all right. Today it does not bother me. In fact most days it does not bother me anymore. I consider that to be a sign of my stability.

Well that's all for today. Be good and stay strong. Always face the world with a smile. Never refuse a hug. Try for at least one good laugh per day. There is real life changing magic in smiles and hugs and laughter. Let it change YOUR life.

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