March 10, 2017

It is snowing outside. Like a blizzard. This after it was 65 degF yesterday! It is not laying on the streets and sidewalks but it IS laying on the grass. They call them snow showers. I call them a blizzard. The wind is whipping. The snow is coming down in huge wet flakes. It is near to a whiteout outside.

Damn. Just what I need for work tonight. It is supposed to drop into the teens with feels like temps in the single digits. Everywhere that the snow has fallen and melted will turn to ice. It will be a fun night in work.

I am alone, again. As always. She is out running again, as usual.

It is not such a good day. No. Not at all. The depression is deep enough to cause me problems. The beast is loud enough to be a pain in the ass. I am stressing again, big time. Second day in a row of high stress levels. Dunno where it comes from or the why of it. Just dunno.

I had another headache when I woke up. A fairly severe one but not as bad as some. A single handful of tylenol and some coffee and it is mostly gone. Not completely gone though. Some of it still hangs around. Like a hangover. It affects my brain, making it foggy and sluggish. Just typing this is a chore. But a necessary one. I need to get it out before it drives me insane.

The beast. He insists I should die. He is very insistent. He tells me what a loser I am. He picks out each thing I do wrong and uses it as a weapon against me. Me brings tears to my eyes. He whips me and makes me cry out in pain. He says such awful things. Am I really THAT bad? He says everyone would soon enough get over it. He says it would be the best for all those I love. He says they are all better off without me.

I cry out against him. No. It is not true. It can't be true. It can't be.

I will not die for him. I will not. I will survive. I will persevere and fight on. He will not beat me. I won't let him win.

Be good people and all of that good stuff. Remember the magic. It can change your life for the better. I have to go before this really gets bad.

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Comments (17)

  1. SEC

    no you should not listen the father of lies who is after your destruction.
    Ain’t the ride on the pogo stick thermometer “fun” the weather is doing the same here, yesterday lovely warm today cold and flakey.

    March 10, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Damn thermometer better make up it’s mind. And soon.

      March 11, 2017
      1. SEC

        If I ever find the fool that gave the thermometer that pogostick I won’t be responsible for my actions

        March 11, 2017
        1. noahbody

          LOL! Give ’em a whack for me too. A good one.

          March 11, 2017
          1. SEC

            will do

            March 11, 2017
            1. noahbody

              Good.Thanks.

              March 12, 2017
  2. wirelessgeo14

    It’s not that bad outside

    March 10, 2017
    1. noahbody

      It was pretty bad here for a while. Now tonight it is growing to be bitter cold.

      March 11, 2017
  3. MindLint

    Please know that you are wonderful place of hope for many. Your encouragement has helped many of us stay the path. Focus on helping others as you have in the past and it will ease the conflicting thoughts that invade you.

    March 10, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Thank you. I will try.

      March 11, 2017
  4. belladora

    Doing the same with the weather here. The good news is we change the clocks Saturday night, Sunday early am. More light.

    March 10, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Yessss! Excellent news that is! Already it does not get dark until 6:30. With the change that will be 7:30. Yippee!

      March 11, 2017
  5. Bettymom

    Better off without you? Well, that’s nonsense. If I would mourn you forever, imagine how your own family would feel? You keep on fighting that beast. Show him he doesn’t know everything.

    Snow here, too.

    March 10, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Thanks.

      March 11, 2017
  6. wirelessgeo14

    You know the weather here isn’t too bad, it just rains sometimes

    March 13, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Lucky you

      March 14, 2017
  7. wirelessgeo14

    Yeah.

    March 14, 2017