March 18, 2017

I was up and down all night long. Just one of those nights I guess. I had severe stomach cramps that kept waking me up.

I heard from EdwardNorton earlier this week. He's not doing so well. His pancreas is shutting down and his diabetes is very bad. He says he is going to stop all of his meds and just let nature run it's course. Sounds like he has given up. After the long row he has had to hoe I don't blame him but it is a dangerous thing he proposes. It could very well cost him his life.

You always think you have it bad until you meet someone who has it worse. At least I do. Ed is good people. I hope and pray that he makes it through this.

Depression is back today. Likely die to the lack of sleep last night. But there is no beast and so that is a plus. And there was no headache - another plus. Also no panic attacks which is yet another plus.

So I would say I am doing well. What's a little thing like depression between friends and family? Depression blows, don't get me wrong. But it is small potatoes without the beast to make it worse.

Looks like another gray day outside. We are expecting more snow showers. In fact we are expecting snow shower the entire weekend. But at the end of the 10 day forecast it finally gets back up into the 60's. All we have to do is make it that far.

I managed to get decent seats for Barefoot in the Park tonight. We are both looking forward to getting out. We will have dinner first then the show. We will eat at the place right across from the theater. It is a small restaurant but classy. Pricey too but we can afford it. What the hell. May as well spend it while I have it. After all I can't take it with me when I die.

Death. It stalks my thoughts. Monopolizes my head. I long for it and yet I dread it. It is days like today that it captures me. The peace of the grave. No more tears. No more pain. No mare anything. I miss my noose. I used to like to stroke it. To feel it. It was a comfort to me because I knew that as long as I had it there was an escape. A way to end it all. Sounds morbid? Perhaps it was but it was also very peaceful.

Well be good people. Stay strong and always remember the magic found in smiles and hugs and laughter. It is a magic that can change your life for the better if you allow it to do so.

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Comments (10)

  1. SEC

    and count yourself among the good people

    March 18, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Thank you. I try.

      March 18, 2017
      1. SEC

        March 18, 2017
        1. noahbody

          March 18, 2017
  2. depressedgirl

    You are good people. I’m not sure if I know Edward Norton or not. I will pray for him. I wish he would reconsider and take his medication.

    March 19, 2017
    1. noahbody

      You probably know him from the old days.

      March 19, 2017
      1. depressedgirl

        Maybe, I hope he’ll be okay. Is he the one that was always trying to kill himself? Who was that and how is he? I can’t for the life of me remember his name. I worry about him sometimes.

        March 20, 2017
        1. noahbody

          No. He never tried to kill himself that I know of.

          March 20, 2017
  3. Bettymom

    I hope you’ve enjoyed your night out. A good play might take your mind off your depression, if only for a little while.

    March 19, 2017
    1. noahbody

      Thank you. It was a great night out.

      March 19, 2017