May 18, 2017

Not a very good day but I guess it could have been worse. Depression has been a bear. Panic attacks have been right on the edge. Had a nasty headache when I got up. I didn't sleep too badly though so I guess there's a good side to everything.

Kind of upset with my wife. I can't tell if it's jealousy or common sense talking but she drove around for an hour and half this morning and the entire time she was texting HIM and laughing to beat the band. I know I should be happy for her that she can find such laughter but all I am is annoyed that she insists on texting while driving. She'll say she isn't texting because to reply she speaks her words into the phone but to me it's all the same. It is distracting at a time when your attention should be on the road ahead of you. I get highly annoyed when she does that but perhaps there is some jealousy involved too. I can't help that but she CAN help texting while driving. It is not safe. Someday I hope to hell she gets a ticket with a big fat fine for doing it before she can injure someone with her carelessness.

We bought another vehicle today. A Ford Escape. A smal SUV, 2 wheel drive with a 4 banger in it. It is underpowered but it is in very good shape especially considering what we paid for it. It is for my wife to go to North Carolina in and to drive while she is down there. We leave to head down there on Sunday or Monday. I will follow her down to be sure the Ford makes it. Then, after a week down there I will come home alone and she will begin her summer down there while I remain at home in Jersey. I've been dreading this. Seriously dreading it. But what am I to do? I have to be a big boy and let her go. She will be back in September. I will be able to visit her in July. She may even be back for the Joan Jett/Boston concert on July 27th but I'm not banking on it. I will miss her severely. Seriously miss her. I mean really seriously. It will be as if I'm not even married for almost 4 months out of the year. She wonders why I hate that place. I lose my wife to it that's one of the biggest reasons.

Add to that she has blocked me on Facebook. I am not happy about that at all but it is my own fault. I posted some things she did not like and I knew she would not like. I did delete them but it was too late.

But she has been working hard down there and she deserves her happiness too so I will have to live with it.

Yes I am down today and I am not likely to get much better in the near future. I had an appt with the shrink today. I told him the clonozepam barely work anymore. He doubled the strength of my prescription. We will see how they work once I get a refill. In the meantime I live with stomach problems, near nervous breakdowns every day and almost panic attacks. My hands shake almost permanently. I am stressed out to the max and beyond and her leaving me does not help any.

Well be good. Stay strong. Always remember the magic found in smiles and hugs and laughter. It can change your life for the better.

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Comments (2)

  1. This comment has been deleted
  2. Bettymom

    That’s a long time to be apart, even with the occasional visits. I think the longest time Hubby and I have been apart was three weeks. I stayed home and he visited his parents. I had a blast – he didn’t! Sound familiar?

    May 19, 2017
    1. noahbody

      yes it does.

      May 19, 2017