Dayworks suck. All of the bosses are in and I need to find someway to keep myself busy out on the units. I can't sit in the office and monitor the units as I do on nightworks. I have to rely on the control operators to monitor them for me and, not pointing any figures but some do a better job than others. Plus getting up at 3 AM is for the birds. I am so tired right now. I did not get to bed until 10 PM. 5 hours sleep simply isn't enough.
It is another bad day. Depression is bad today which only makes staying busy even harder. I started the day off with a headache and started my shift off with a full blown panic attack. I have already taken 2 clonazepam. The shrink doubled my dosage but I am not on the new dosage yet. In the mean time I simply double the pills I take.
Counting today there is 3 days until we go back down North Carolina. I have trim work to do down there so I will be busy. My wife will drive our Ford down and I will take the Hyundai. That is so that she can stay down there when I come home. She will be down there for the duration of the summer. Not even sure that she will be back in September or for the concert in July. In truth I have no idea when she'll be back. That sucks. It will be a lonely summer without her. She asked me last night what has me so upset. I did not tell her that it is her leaving that has me upset. I cannot say that to her. She will not even be here when her rings are done being resized to try them on. I guess I can bring them to her when I go down there in July. It is going to be along and lonely summer. I wish we had never bought that damn house. Then I would not be losing my wife for months at a time. She does not realize how hard that is for me.
Yes. I battle tears again today. Each day will get worse. I have to keep it hidden from her. I cannot let her know how upset I truly am. I have to be strong. God I wish this summer was over already. I really do. It will be like we aren't even married. I dread this.
I will miss her severely. I can't even talk to her on Facebook since she has me blocked. Perhaps that is for the best. I dunno. I dunno anything right now.