May 20, 2017

It is not a very good day. Depression is kicking my ass, making it difficult to move or to function. The beast is back in all his vociferousness. I did not sleep so well last night. I am tired and miserable and fed up with dayworks already. Man was never meant to be up at 3 AM. I know I sure as hell wasn't although I was already up when the alarm went off. It was one of those nights where I was awake every hour or so. I probably would have given it up and gotten out of bed sometimes around 3 AM anyway so why do I complain? I am so tired I can barely think straight. I really need to retire ASAP. Unfortunately that is at least 4 years or more away.


But I did not have a headache when I got up nor have I had a repeat of yesterday's panic attack.


That is a good thing right? Then why do I feel like shit?


2 more days until North Carolina again. I have a couple of vacation days and so I am off for a week which will be spent there. It will be yet another working vacation as I have trim and sheetrock to do. I never get a real vacation. My wife does but I do not. She says she will be down there all summer. I am not overjoyed at that prospect. This time she has not yet made up her mind whether or not she will stay down there when I come home. I might have to take a train home or we might take both our vehicles down there and I will drive home alone. Or we might take one vehicle and she will come home with me. It is entirely up to her. I know which I prefer. Obviously.


God I am tired.


Be good and stay strong. Always face the world with a smile and never refuse a hug. Try for at least one good laugh per day. There is real life changing magic in smiles and hugs and laughter.

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