She sang: "Baby baby don't get hooked on me..."
Too late. I already am. Hooked I mean. Seriously hooked.
It is not such a bad day as these days go. Oh I have depression but it is relatively light. The beast is but a faint whisper inside my head. No panic attacks but I do have a headache. A rather severe one. Not world graying, tunnel making severe but it hurts like the dickens anyway.
I gave her the rings yesterday. Anyone who knows me knows I couldn't hold on to them for long. She loves them. She loves me. She said I should have just let it go. That she did not need a ring but I know better. She also says she does not need another ceremony but again I know better. If we are ever to have a marriage again then she needs the ceremony. She said so at one time. Nothing has changed except she acknowledged how far in debt we are. I know it was stupind to buy those rings when we are so far in debt. Especially buying them on credit was stupid. But I had no choice. Besides I got a really good deal. They were 30% off. So I got a deal. I got them both for slightly more than the sticker price of the diamond.
We will be remarried in Hawaii if I can swing it. On the beach. At sunrise. It is what I want. She has agreed.
So now it is all over but the singing. We have a lot to plan. I have a lot to plan. She said it is all up to me. I must do all the planning. Mary, our daughter, will be her maid of honor. I don't have a best man. Not one who can afford Hawaii anyway. I would ask my son but there is no way he can afford it. It is a year and a few months away. We will do it on August 12th, 2018, our 40th anniversary. She said the date has bad memories for her but perhaps we can change those memories to good ones. We will try. It saddens me that that date holds such memories for her. It is all my fault. As always.
We are starting over again and I am determined to get it right this time.
This is the poem I used to propose:
Sometimes words just don’t suffice
To say the things that need to be said
I would scream it to the world twice
If I but knew what to say instead
I have no the words for you to say
Just what you mean to me
I am at a loss each and every day
So here on bended knee
I have a special request to make
In this world you are my everything
And now I do this time take
To ask you to me be remarrying